That is the Quextion
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: Irina, a typical five year old, has a quextion... well, several of them actually. It's a obliging grandfather to the rescue. Part of the Mouth of Babes series - thank you, Goldfish, my sweet!


Irina stared at the TV screen, her mouth in a tight frown. She just didn't understand. Miss Alice had told them that sharing was important, that it showed the people around you that you thought they were special. She didn't know about that, but she knew that it made Mommy and Daddy happy when she did it.

She continued to watch the cartoon figures dance across the screen and batted a stray lock of dark hair from her eyes.

Irina got to her feet and carefully brushed at her dress. She had been very careful not to get any crumbs on her brand new dress. She loved the crisp lace, the pretty pink color and the way it looked when she spun around. Mommy had painted her fingernails to match and with her shiny black shoes, she felt like a little Princess.

She walked from the living room to the study where Alex was carefully stacking blocks, only to have Inessa knock them down with a sweep of her hand.

"Boom!" she shouted and squealed.

"Nessa, stop!"

Irina sat down daintily beside him. "Alex, can I ask you a quextion?"

"No," Alex muttered. "I'm busy and I don't have time for girls." This time he got three block stacked before Inessa knocked them down again.

"Boom!" She was having so much fun that Irina couldn't help but laugh too and that made Alex even madder.

"Mommy, Inessa won't leave me alone!" Alexander shouted and gathered the blocks back together. "I'm trying to build a castle and she keeps knocking it down."

Mommy came in, carrying Peter. He was wearing a romper and giggling as she tickled his tummy. "Irina, take your brother for me." She plopped Peter down in Irina's lap and she hugged her baby brother.

"Hello, handsome, did you miss me?"

Peter gurgled and made a sound like a motor boat. Mommy scooped up Inessa, who wiggled in an attempt to escape. "Boom!"

"Most babies' first words are Mamma or Dada, why you picked 'boom' is beyond me."

"Poppy said it's because she's a kurrykim… what is a kurrykim, Mommy?

"Not kurrykim, Irina, Kuryakin. And you are too."

"And Alex?"

"Yes, and Peter… and me."

"And Grampy?"

"No, not Grampy or Daddy. It means we're part of Poppy's family."

"What about our family? I like our family."

"It's complicated, Irina."

"Mommy, can I ask you a quextion?"

"Question."

"Yes, a quextion."

"With an 'ssss', Irina. Question."

"Quessstion…"

"Good, what is your question?"

Irina studied her for a long moment and shook her head. "I don't remember."

"Well, I'm sure you'll remember. Come on, Tornado." Mommy swung Inessa up in the air and she shrieked happily.

"She's not a tornado, Mommy, she's a girl," she protested, but Mommy was laughing now.

"No, luv, she's a tornado named Inessa!"

Irina watched Alex for a few minutes, but then grew bored with his careful stacking of blocks. Adults had a word for this… aminal? No, that didn't sound right. Poppy called Grampy it all the time… anal, that was it. Irina used it once in class and Miss Alice had a long talk with her about right and wrong words. She didn't know how it could be a wrong word. After all, Poppy used it. But Mommy and Daddy had to go talk to Miss Alice about it and Irina had to promise not to use it at school anymore.

Bored now, she scooted Peter off her lap and left the room. She stopped in the hallway to pat one of the lion heads that was carved into the leg of a table. She loved these little lions. She called them her _petit chats_ and made sure she visited with them at least once a day. She hoped that Mommy would notice and let her have a real kitten one day.

Grampy was in the dining room, talking into his pen. When she had told Miss Alice that her Grampy talked into a pen, Mommy and Daddy had to come in and talk to the teacher about her imagination. She didn't know exactly what that was, but she was quite sure she didn't have one.

Daddy was sitting at his desk, pushing papers around on his desk and muttering. She didn't know what he was doing, but she knew it must be fun because he did it a lot and it made no sense to her to do something that wasn't fun.

"Daddy, can I ask you a quextion?"

"Question and can it wait, sweetheart? Daddy is a little busy. You see, the mean man from the IRS is coming to talk to him and I need to find some stuff."

"Okay." Now she had another quextion.

She wandered through the rest of the downstairs and finally let herself out of the house and into the garage. Poppy was there, playing with his toys. He had a big sheet spread out and lots of small, strange looking things all over it. It looked like he was having a tea party, but his toys were icky.

"Poppy, can I ask you a quextion?"

"Of course," He didn't stop playing with his toys though. Irina sat down a good distance away so she wouldn't get dirty. Poppy had black stuff all over his hands and even some on his face. His glasses were sitting on just the tip of his nose and Irina giggled.

"You look silly, Poppy. What are you doing?"

"I'm rebuilding a carburetor."

"What's that?"

"It makes the car go." He smiled at her and Irina smiled back. "Was that your question?"

"How come your door was locked this morning?"

"Your grandfather and I were having a private conversation and didn't want to be interrupted."

She picked up a piece of cloth and folded it carefully, flattening the edges to make it perfect. "Is that like when Mommy and Daddy have a talk and then we get a new baby?"

"Not exactly." But Poppy laughed and that made Irina laugh. "But thank you for sharing that with me."

That reminded her. "Poppy, can I ask you another quextion?"

"Another one?"

"Uh huh." She used the cloth to polish her right shoe. She could see her reflection in it and that was good. She liked shiny things.

Poppy blew into something and looked into it. "Yes, Irina, what is it?"

She frowned now, thinking of how sad it made her to watch that special cartoon on TV. "Miss Alice says we have to share."

"That's right."

"Poppy, why won't they just let the rabbit have some Trix?"

Poppy stopped and looked at her and Irina felt a little scared, like maybe she'd asked the wrong thing. Poppy could get so serious sometimes.

Just then the garage door opened and her Grampy came out.

"Illya, we need to go." She recognized that tone. When Grampy talked like that, there was no more time for silliness and games.

"Trouble?" Already, Poppy was wiping off his hands and standing.

Grampy nodded and Irina jumped up to her feet and ran to him. She hated it when both of them were gone at the same time. Grampy scooped her up and she nestled into his neck. She loved how he smelled and how shiny his hair was.

"Leon, too?" Poppy asked.

"He's already on his way."

"Let me get cleaned up."

"Grampy, can I ask you a quextion?"

"Brace yourself," Poppy said. She didn't know what he meant. She knew what the word meant, but it didn't make sense. Adults talked funny.

"Yes, my sweet, what is your question?"

"How come you and Poppy don't have babies like Mommy and Daddy?"

Poppy made a funny noise. "I cannot wait to hear the answer to this one."

"Why would you ask me this, Irina?" Grampy was very serious now.

"Poppy said you were talking and when Mommy and Daddy talk, they have a baby."

"What?"

Poppy snapped his fingers and Irina smiled at the sound. "About a week ago? Lisle said all she had to do was talk to Leon and she got pregnant."

"Not again?"

"That's the rumor at this point." Poppy tossed the towel over onto a bench that had all sorts of stinky, icky things on it. She hated it out here. There was no pink anywhere!

"You and Poppy were talking this morning."

"I assure you that's not how it works, my sweet. People talk all the time and besides, you need and Mommy and a Daddy to have a baby. You also have to be a girl to be a mommy and neither of us are girls."

"But Ashley has two Mommies and Jamie has two Daddies. How does it work then, Grampy? Is one of Ashley's Mommies a Daddy and one of Jamie's Daddies a Mommy… Poppy isn't a Mommy and neither are you…"

"And that is my exit cue." Poppy left and Irina waved good bye to him.

"I think Mommy needs to tell you that story, Irina." Grampy carried her back into the house and set her down. Immediately she set about making sure her dress was straight and wrinkle free.

"But why?"

"Because now, you have to help your Mommy with the babies so we can go to work."

"Do you really have to? It's Saturday." She played with the top button on his shirt. "I'll miss you."

"Yes, even on Saturday." He kissed her and then blew a raspberry into her neck and she squealed. "I'll miss you too."

"Then can I ask you another quextion?"

"Providing we have abandoned the earlier subject matter, yes."

"Why is Sonny cuckoo for Coco Puffs? They taste awful… And do fish get thirsty? And if the moon is made of cheese, what is the sun made of? And what does anal mean…? Can an elephant roller skate and what would they look like? Do giraffes get sore throats? How come cars have mufflers and not scarves? "

She kept up a steady stream of quextions, not really caring what the answers were until Poppy came down the stairs, all cleaned up and wearing a suit.

"They say the average child asks roughly a hundred questions a day. Tell me, Napoleon, how does it feel to have an above average granddaughter?"

She kept asking even as Grampy's groan got louder, Poppy's laugh got louder and they both started shaking their heads. Irina didn't really care what the answers were. She just knew she had to keep asking. Eventually someone somewhere would be able to answer her, but deep down inside, Irina had a feeling it wasn't going to be any time soon. Thank goodness she had all the time in the world.


End file.
